i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
