Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
