did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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