I wish I only lived at night.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
