I didn't shave. On purpose
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
