and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
