its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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