all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
