Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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