The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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