If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
