I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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