i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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