my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
