Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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