I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
