at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
