I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
