New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
