I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
