Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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