Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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