oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
