every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
