Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
