My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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