fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
