Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
