i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
