Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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