you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
