"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Actions speak louder than pants.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
