ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
