There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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