just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
