I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
