It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
