Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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