I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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