I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
