So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
