Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
