he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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