Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
