Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
