we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
