Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Your dad touched me again.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
