when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
