Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
