im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
