Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
