My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
