If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
