Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
