i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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