some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
