I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
